Lately, I've been feeling it. Like ALL moms do. That nagging guilt that says "you're doing it all wrong!" And I've been trying to push forward and hide this weakness. Well, yippee, not needed! Today's mission: Confess weakness to God and be still, because He will use his infinite power to give me rest, clarity, and direction.
It's okay to be vulnerable. We don't have to be strong all the time, we're human. Right? And we've all got some struggle going on!
Gosh, new momming is hard! My son, gotta love his sweet face, does not sleep well. And I've had the most difficult time adjusting to my mom schedule, my workout schedule, and my work schedule! I'm always very active on my Facebook, so catch up with me there if you haven't seen a post in a while! I apologize, I cannot blog from my phone, and it seems that these days, I can only tackle my social media from a handheld device! Moms, you know the drill! Baby in one hand, work in the other, never two hands for work! But, how blessed am I that I can coordinate my work around my baby, instead of the other way around!
Hey moms, I've been LOVING the new Core De Force kickboxing and MMA style workout! Lemme tell you, if you are a mother, you NEED this. Let me explain.
1. Empowering 👊🏻
2. Fun - doesn't feel like a workout 👌🏻
3. Fast 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
4. Non-traditional core workouts (great for c-section recovery)
5. Get out some pent up aggression 😂 Step on a Lego recently? 🙋
This program is led by some super cool trainers that are just so likable and there's new moms and dads leading the workouts! They said they are sleep deprived! These are my people 😴 If we can do it, you can do it! And you'll get me as your personal coach to help you CRUSH your individual goal. Any fitness level welcome to participate, there's a modifier.
HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL GET BY JOINING!
❤️ PREP WEEK to get you totally hooked up and on the right track to succeed.
💚30-day CUSTOM MEAL PLAN with recipes and easy-to-use color coded containers
💙SUPPORT + ACCOUNTABILITY + MOTIVATION + ENCOURAGEMENT
💛FREE access to our challenge tracker APP that helps you log all your info/stats/workouts
💜FREE 30 day access to digitally stream your workouts from any device with wifi via a free app!
❤️ AMAZING home workouts
💙 NO COST TO JOIN! 😍You're only paying for the program itself!
💚 OPTIONAL but amazing 3 day reset detox to get you ready to hit your goals after a Thanksgiving full-o-food. 🍗🌽
...AND
🎂 ICING ON THE CAKE! Weekly giveaway prizes for you to to win! And not some huge pool of people you're competing against either, I'm only taking TEN participants max into the group! Pretty good odds right?!
Sounds AWESOME, right? 30-45 minute fun, fast, results driven workout, all the support you could ever want, easy to understand meal plan and you even get a TREAT MEAL each week! 🙌🏽🍷
WANNA BE ONE OF MY LUCKY 10?
Email me jalenecabralesfitness@gmail.com and I'll give you all the details!
Oh and hey mama, you're a FIGHTER! I believe in you! If another program suits your personal needs, you can still join in the group. Just let me know that you'd like to try a different style workout. I've got you covered. Group starts November 28th, 25 days and then break for Christmas 😘
How to maintain milk supply while getting fit and losing weight? Workout for C-Section? What to eat? How much to eat?
Here's my TOP TIPS for losing weight after a c-section (or vaginal delivery) while breastfeeding! I'm currently 6 months post partum and down 40 pounds, so excited!
What can we do to be a better mom? Sheesh, probably a million things right? That's what you're thinking. That's what I would be thinking. I want to challenge you today to think about your priorities. And pick FIVE. Only five. These are your 5 priorities for this week. You get these 5 done before you do anything else. And actually, you probably won't get to anything else, and that's okay. Before you start thinking of your 5, let me elaborate... read on...
Moms, we are overstretched!!! We commit to 9 million things and we don't have the time for 9 million things! And most those things, we put before our kids... I'm guilty. I have a hard time saying "no." to other people and to myself, but it's easy to say "no" to my kids.
Check out this excerpt from the eBook "Mom Enough."
"Years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law. Children rank way below college. Below world travel. Below nightlife. Below physical tness. Below a career. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing...Motherhood is not a hobby, it’s a calling. You do not collect children because you nd them cuter than stamps. You do not raise children if you can squeeze the time in. Motherhood is what God gave you time for."
OUCH!!!! What have you put before your kids?
Read on...
"Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.
Our culture is afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, and that your freedom will die. Abortion tries to escape that death by running into the arms of death.
But Christians should have a different paradigm. We should run to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have by yourself. Lay them all down.
Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is a resurrection life, a life that cannot be contained by death, a life only possible when you have been to the cross and back.
The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loves them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord.
We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.
The Question Is How
The question here is not if you are representing the gospel, but how you are representing it. Do you give your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally everything you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gives it to us—freely?
It isn’t enough to pretend, though you might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car. Children know the difference between a mother who is saving her face to a stranger and a mother who is defending her children’s lives with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.
Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.
Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone." Again, this is an excerpt from the book Mom Enough, and you can find the entire article here
Do you see what I mean about priorities now? Your priorities are probably going to be more focused on PEOPLE, and less focused on TASKS. There are some things we are going to have to let go. Maybe you buy store bought cupcakes instead of spending hours baking them yourself. They are just going to get eaten anyways! How important is it? Now, this is just an example, if baking them yourself is something that makes you a more joyful parent, and your kids love it, by all means. But think about other things that you might need to let go of, or say no to...
So, my 5:
God
Husband
Kids
My business
Family/friends
That's it. What's your 5? How about an exercise to apply this concept to real life... cause we all know we are busier than 5 things...
Think about something with me... the last time you snapped at your child, what were you doing?
The last time you felt completely down as a mother, what were you doing?
The last day when you struggled to be joyful, what was going on?
I'm going to argue that we are just too darn busy. When I snap at my child, I'm distracted. I'm focusing on something else and she is getting in the way. She has "annoyed" me in that moment. Eeek. That's harsh. But yes, I'm reading something, I'm scrolling through Facebook, I'm cooking dinner, I'm tending to my other children, I'm BUSY on something and she's tugging at me. Snap!
And THAT makes me feel completely down as a mother. I've let her down. I've let myself down. I just treated my child as an annoyance. I suck. The voice in my head is fierce! Mama, give yourself a break first off... second, how can we ensure this doesn't happen?
So for me... The last day I struggled to be joyful, I was feeling overwhelmed!! It's hard to be joyful when you're inundated with your to do list!
But if I can put her in my top 5, I mean REALLY put her in my top 5, not just say "yea my kid is my number 1 priority..." be honest with myself and really put her at the top, it helps me to feel more fulfilled as a mother. She's taken care of! So I feel more successful.
Could it be your child asking "are you even happy to be a mom?"
My take away message from it: The truth is, the one thing that I had been forgetting to give my children all this time was a mother who genuinely enjoyed just being a mom.
When you are doing this exercise, think of 3 ways you can show your top 5 that they are a priority. And I know what you're thinking... a clean house, you going to work, you cooking dinner, these are things that you do for your children, husband, family. And yep, you're right. But if you asked your child how she knows mommy loves her, I'll bet she won't say "cause our house is clean!" So when you're choosing the 3 things that you can do to show love to your kids, think of the things that you do that make THEM feel loved, comforted. I know you're taking care of your children by cooking them dinner, but shoot, my kid doesn't even like dinner! She sure as heck wouldn't say that's how she knows her mom loves and prioritizes her. What would she say? Mom plays with me. Mom spends time with me. Mom buys me toys. Those are things that are important to HER. So when I'm thinking of ways to make her feel comforted, I've gotta add at least something to the list that makes HER feel good. My older son, he likes his band program. He enjoys playing music, he enjoys being with his friends. So I have to make sure that I'm getting him to and from where he needs to be! He struggles with homework, I gotta help him out so he isn't feeling so discouraged. His love language, words of affirmation. I gotta make sure I'm praising him for the things he's doing! That's how he feels loved. My husband, acts of service dude. How do I make him feel loved? Home cooked meal, clean house, ask him if he needs help with school, his lunch, do his laundry, etc. and being intimate. That's important to my guy. So when I'm making my bucket list of priorities for my husband, I've gotta make sure I'm speaking his language. Not doing things that I think he needs, doing things that HE thinks he needs. If you don't know anything about the 5 Love Languages, check it out!! You can figure out your husband's (fiancé, sig other) and your children's. Knowing what makes them tick, what makes them feel love, what makes them fulfilled is only going to help you. You don't have to be spinning your wheels trying to figure out how to prioritize them, just know what language they speak.
So, how does this create joy in my home? When my family feels comforted and loved, guess what, it takes those awful days down a notch! It lightens my sassy 5 year old's attitude, it removes conflict with my teen over grades and his schedule, it removes conflict with my husband because he feels like he's a priority to me. And the joyfulness, it follows along... less bad days, more joyful mom.
People like to say that the only two constants in this life are death and taxes. I beg to differ, God is a constant. The things that God has given us, constant. The sun rises every single day, for example, because He said "let there be light." If we think about that for a second, every single day, we count on the sun coming up, there's never a day that it just fails to rise. It's a sure thing! We can take it for granted though, most definitely.
In Hosea 6:3, God says that as SURELY as the sun will rise, He will appear. And he will come to us like rain to the Earth. Whoa. So we can count on Him coming to us when we call, without fail, because it's as sure as the sun will rise! Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me and I will answer you..." God will listen to your every prayer. Call upon him, and He'll be there as surely as the sun rises. And what will He provide? Rain. Spring rain. The kind that completely rejuvenates and refreshes the air, the soil, all living things. It cleans, brightens, and restores.
If you're feeling completely despaired, call on Him. He'll refresh your soul like rain refreshes the Earth. It's a constant. It's a sure thing. God does not ever withhold himself.
If you haven't yet, take a minute to read this blog entry. http://foreverymom.com/mom-gold/exhausted-overwhelmed-depressed-mom/
I just think it's so awesome. And if we dig deeper into Elijah's story (1 Kings 17-19) we learn that Elijah called upon God. But not to refresh him, he asked to die. Elijah was so tired, scared, he was an old guy, on the run from Jezebel, the last of the Lord's prophets, she had all the others killed. He was just done. God came to him, but he didn't give him what he asked. You see, God has his own plan for us. He knows what you truly need. For Elijah, it wasn't death, it was sleep, food, a friend, and moment to refocus, to remember how special he was. God came to him in a still small voice, and Elijah could hear it. Elijah (with Elisha) went on! He came from wanting to DIE, to feeling rejuvenated and moving forward.
How can we apply this to our Momlife? Is there a time you can remember when you felt totally NOT cut out for this position of mommy? Take a second to answer in the thread below. For me, numerous times. I think often, moms feel like failures. We have such high expectations when that baby is kicking inside us, but then, it's hard! Your infant doesn't sleep, maybe has colic, fussy baby, there are joyful moments, and there are tough moments. And that trend continues for-ev-er. And in those tough moments, we feel like failures. We want what's best for our babies, and we don't think we're it! These moments of complete feeling of failure happen to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US GOOD MAMAS! We feel like a failure BECAUSE we want all good things for our kids. By very definition, that's a good mom.
HOW TO CHOOSE JOY: Next time we are feeling this way? What can we do? I challenge you to STOP, DROP, and PRAY. Call out to Him. He's the everlasting spring that can quench your thirst. He will clean, brighten, and restore you like spring rain, He will not withhold Himself, His ability, to the child that calls upon him.
CALL TO ACTION: Today/tonight, I challenge you to call on Him. You can say ANY prayer, He will listen. If it's been a while since you prayed, don't hold back. Say something to Him.
Moms, if you're dying to stay home with your kids, please believe in yourself! You CAN start your own business, you can make it great! You can change your circumstances.
Don't just start any business. Start a business where you can help others, fuel your own health and fitness, and feel like you're doing something WORTHWHILE.
We only get one life, don't look back when you're 50 and your kids are grown and realize you missed the best part. Take a chance and do this with me, I'll help you, and you and your children are so worth it.
I just love this
And one thing that I've noticed in talking with other moms, some are just not fulfilled by their 9-5 and want MORE. More time with their kids, more time with the family, more hours in a day! But we can't add hours to the day to fit in work and kids, we've gotta change the work.
Hey moms! This group is super close to my heart because it's something I really struggle with. You see, all my life I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Obviously I did not know the difficulty of it, only the rewards! Now, I can still see the rewards, but the difficulty and struggles creep up on me daily. I have to be reminded to choose joy, which I NEVER thought I would need, I mean, aren't moms just joyful about their "jobs" every moment of every day because we are so uber- blessed?? And we NEVER have weak moments where choosing joy is hard? And we always act as if we have the best job in the entire world?? Not really, we get stuck in the trenches of daily battles and it happens to ALL of us, so there's no need to feel shameful.
WHY SHOULD YOU BELONG TO A CHALLENGE GROUP LIKE THIS?
1. ACCOUNTABILITY! Oh man, this is a biggie. If no one sees what's going on in your Momlife on a daily basis, who is holding you accountable to be joyful? Imagine this, you're at church. You're little darling is acting up. You are SO careful about the way you handle the situation because there are people watching!!! Your kid is LUCKY that you aren't home! You still discipline, of course, but in a more mindful way. You've had that experience and so have I. We act differently at home. Not because we are fake, but because we can give into the struggle when no one sees it. Sometimes we just lose it! So, being in a group like this holds us accountable to be joyful in our homes. We'll check in daily and be reminded to choose joy amidst the chaos. Of course our children will still get "the eye" and discipline, being joyful isn't about not disciplining, it's about loving on our kids the way God intended. And we'll dig into that in the first week!
2. NEW PERSPECTIVE AND IDEAS. You and the other moms in this group are good moms, you've already proved it by seeking to be in the group. No more proof is necessary. We can share ideas with other moms here, because when we are left alone with our ideas for too long, they become stale.
3. SUPPORT. Hallelujah. Being a mom can be an isolating lifestyle, whether you're a stay at home, work at home, or working mom. It's lonely. And sometimes you may feel like no one "gets" you. Just hearing that other people share the same struggles can be really reassuring. This group will have a zero tolerance policy on judgement. You already know judgement is for Jesus, not for us. You aren't here because you'll never again have a struggle or a moment where you completely lose it. You're here because you want to challenge yourself to be more fulfilled as a mommy! Plus, while it's helpful to receive support, it's also a powerful source of happiness to provide support to others.
Also, not everyone has the means to attend a mom's group at a church. My vision for this group is to make it sort of a virtual mom study.
4. FUN! It's fun to belong to a group, meet new people, try something new! It's especially enjoyable when you're talking about a topic that is so important and intimate as being a joyful parent.
Momlife. It's one phrase that has become so popular in 2016. Seriously, go to the hashtag, you'll see all the #momlife entries. But what is momlife? Some bloggers would have you think that it's this amazing experience that only the best of the best can appreciate, some would have you thinking that momlife is the most exhausting, life sucking experience you've ever embarked on.
I say, it's a daily challenge. Every single day, I'm presented with something new. It's never boring. And it can be amazing and draining at the same time. We moms have to accept the challenge to choose joy every single day, even if we step on that same lego for the 15th time. Why? Because our kids DESERVE a joyful parent.
I struggle. You struggle. Let's support each other and learn some strategies to always be able to see the gospel in our kids, to choose joy daily, and to end the mommy wars that are another popular battle these days. None of us has it all right. But all of us can enjoy the ride with a joyful heart. It's HARD, I know, I'm in it. But I also know that my children are my WORLD. And they should feel that way.
This group will be faith based, offer daily accountability, support, prayers, and readings and tips to put your best foot forward for your children. To choose joy! It's an online group that will mimic what you would find in a MOPS group study, but online to work with our schedules! I have a study book for the material that I will be presenting, and some of my own thoughts and readings and scripture that have touched my heart as a mother.
Sometimes, I'm reminded that even though I think I'm a hot mess, my family really thinks I'm superwoman. Now, I could let this annoy me, their unrealistic expectations of my abilities, or I could take it as a compliment.
The scenario: its Sunday morning, 6:45. I've slept in... yes, 6:45 on a Sunday is sleeping in. Take a moment to let the gravity of that really sink in... and remember that I'm not a morning person!
So, I get up, hubby is sleeping in a bit longer. I make my daughter breakfast, nurse my son, make some coffee (thank God that He gave someone the knowledge to create this Heavenly Elixir) and start making a breakfast casserole for after church. You see, my husband, Ben, enjoys really tasty breakfast on the weekends.
Then, I head upstairs to shower and get ready, baby in tow! I get Isabella ready, bathe Nixon and get him ready and I'm trying to get myself ready too. Nixon decides, as he usually does, that he would like to be held. So as I'm holding him, attempting to do my makeup, realizing that we have ten minutes until we need to get our butts in the car so I will be sporting my "wet hair" look, my husband asks if I can iron his shirt. I mean really? So many choice responses going through my head. And of course each one is sarcastic. I'm holding my son, doing my makeup, can I iron your shirt too? No, I cannot. I only have two hands. I did tell him I cannot, I am a woman who knows her limits, afterall!
And that's when I realized it. My family thinks I'm flipping amazing! What Mom can do all that?! Apparently, me!!!
I do so love that my family relies on me to care for them. And that they think I have magical superpowers. I wonder what super powers I'll be displaying this week?
