August 14, 2016

Love the journey


Confession. I've not been a happy camper. I've been so focused on getting back to how I was, I've been forgetting to just love how I am. 

Before I got pregnant, I felt in really great shape. I was proud of myself for looking good after baby #1, it took a lot of hard work! And I wasn't just thin, I had some muscle, some stamina in my workouts, and I was healthy on the inside. Fast forward to plus 50 pounds from a difficult pregnancy, and now, 3 months post partum via c-section. 

My post pregnancy journey has been a slow one, as it should be!! I had a c section and I'm nursing so I need to be careful with losing weight. And, confession, I just feel huge. I can't get over the fact that I'm buying medium and large clothing. I don't want to shop for myself, I'm convinced I won't be at this point for long, so why buy clothes? I'll tell you why, because I have to have something to wear in the meantime! But everytime I buy a large piece of clothing, I'm mad. My husband told his friend last week "my wife doesn't even look like she had a baby." And I'm too consumed with how awful I feel, I can't even accept that amazing compliment from my guy! 

I've also been avoiding photos! Yesterday, I took a photo with my niece on her 1st birthday, cause I couldn't NOT have a photo with my babygirl! And much to my surprise, I don't look so bad! Sweet friends of mine are even giving me compliments, which this mama needed. 

So I'm here to tell you that I completely failed at loving myself. Completely failed at giving myself time. Completely failed at respecting the complete shit storm that my body has gone through (excuse the language, there's no other way to put it). I've been so focused on getting back to picture number 1, the destination, that I'm forgetting that this is a journey. A fun one at that- with dedication, accomplishment, struggle, and reward. With encouragement from friends, with love from family, and with a learning experience for me! So I'm just gonna stop. I'm just gonna love where I'm at, cause I'm doing well! And I look just fine!! It's about the journey!!